It was the best of times for Toady and Shrek once (aka John Torode and Gregg Wallace), as they gambolled about the Masterchef kitchen, sprinkling their words of cheffy wisdom atop the contestant’s offerings. Well, Toady did, Shrek just gurned.
Now, it’s the worst of times and many feel the brand is forever tarnished. The debate rages on Twitter (don’t call it X, it only encourages the muskrat) amongst those who are watching it to show support for the disgraced presenters and those who are not watching it because of the disgraced presenters, feeling the Beeb should show some principles. I suspect this means the viewing figures are about the same.
A lot of the comments, both from viewers and, more surprisingly, critics that I’ve seen, bemoaned the fact that the alleged cuts to trim down the appearance of Toady and Shrek have taken away the humour. Say what now?! They’re not effing Oscar Wilde or Dorothy Parker. Very occasionally over the years there would be some mildly ticklish moment. Mostly, we suffered Shrek’s idiotic pronouncements, marvelling instead at the size of spoon he could fit in his gob. Toad choking up over some miraculous Brussels sprouts creation or something was probably his most peculiarly irksome quirk; but on more than one occasion he dismissed a contestant’s offering out of hand, seemingly ignorant it was an authentic rendering of a dish from their heritage (remember the non-crispy skin debacle?). We watched DESPITE the presenters, not because of them. The thing that surprised me is that there was no disclaimer from the Beeb, distancing themselves from their now embarrassing presenters.
For my sins, I’ve watched all the series since its reboot in 2005. I am someone who remembers when they used to test the contestants’ ingredient knowledge and interview them in a separate room about their aspirations. I missed a few episodes of the ‘Celebrity’ versions, once the qualification to be a celebrity became an erstwhile Eastenders actor. Plus the fact that some of them could barely operate a potato peeler, yet were being touted as the next Roux Junior (maybe they should bring HIM back. I’m sure his particular potato incident must no longer be so damaging).
What is undeniably true is their every utterance now produces an inner snort or riposte. ’21 years in Masterchef,’ intones Toad in the intro, ‘and every year our expectations get higher.’ Yes, to not be the recipient of sexual harassment. ‘Let’s find some talent,’ booms Shrek. Starting with my replacement…and so on. A lot of people are baffled as to Toad’s booting and I suspect there is more to it than has been revealed. The only charge that stuck was the offensive song, there may well have been others.
Another outcome is the whole business has overshadowed any of the contestants, including in what I’m writing. The first week brought some eccentric characters. I was especially fond of Penelope. I wouldn’t want to eat any of what she cooked, but I was glad she was there. And Claire, with her excited clapping, was a joy to behold. Physically she bore a slight resemblance to Katie Hopkins, but thankfully could not have been a more polar opposite in character.
Now on to Destination X, a peculiar hotch-potch of a show. You can just see the execs, exactly as in W1A, sitting round a table plotting. Here’s how it went.
‘Right. People like Race Across The World.’
Yes indeedy, let’s send the contestants to beautiful foreign places.’
‘Can’t afford the Far East again.’
‘Ok. They can go round Europe.’
‘Hhhm. That’s not very exciting.’
‘Ooh, I know, I know! They can’t see where they are and have to guess at the end of each episode.’
‘Can’t see at all?! Are they blindfolded?’
‘The coach will have blacked out windows. And they can see bits occasionally and try and guess where they are.’
‘Do the audience know where they are…?’
‘Mmm. Not sure.’ [This is one of the flaws. The reason people like RATW was seeing the beauty of the world through the eyes of the contestants. The contestants never find out where they are each time, just who was furthest away and therefore eliminated].
‘Seems a bit…static though, just sitting on a bus…?’
‘We’ll make them play games….’
‘Yes and do challenges.’
‘And aid and abet the making and breaking of alliances.’
‘Ooh! Sounds like The Traitors!’
‘Yes then! Would Claudia do another thing, do you think?’
‘Hhm, she’s a bit busy. How about Rob Brydon? He’s funny.’
Brydon is ok and they’ve tried their best to give him some gags and dress him up intriguingly. But he doesn’t have the camp theatricality of the Winkle. Nor the legs, tbh.
There are alliances because they want information, but there’s only one winner, so no real team building. At the time of watching, the most irritating player was Saskia, who is outraged at ‘game playing’ from some others, when that is what she is doing herself. The most innocent is Daren, who couldn’t see the reason he was chosen to stay was because he’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer, so less competition. There’s the tiresome chasm between the OGs and the newbies. It’s both bizarrely obscure and also overly simple, with a whole wealth of cultural stereotypes for us to marvel at. The audience are encouraged to play along at home, but why would you when you get nothing from it?
The only real excitement in the show is the bit in the map room when they place their guess. But this is rushed over far too quickly and why, for the love of Pete, are we not shown a table displaying who was closest at the end of each episode?
It’s back to the drawing board on this one.
As to Masterchef, a lot of people feel its days are numbered. Back in 2005 they didn’t have much competition, but since then we’ve had the juggernaut of Bake Off and Great British Menu, not to mention a glut of chef cooking shows. We may be fried.