While awake in the early hours the other night, I mused that seeing as every possible activity has been turned into a competitive/reality TV show: cooking, dancing, singing, dating, even sewing FFS!, is there anything left?
I decided to take the thought to my favourite virtual water cooler, Twitter, to ask people what would be the ‘so bad it’s good’ idea they would pitch…? I offered Competitive Jigsaws.
‘MyCelebrityLife’ pitched ‘Celebrity Nit Combing,’ which we agreed would be fun to watch, having the ‘I’m a Celebrity’ yuk factor of a bush-tucker style challenge (ooh yes, maybe they should eat the nits too as a final flourish?). A moment of further consideration was needed to decide whether the ‘Celebrity’ was the comber or combee..?
Chris Smith thought a Championship Staring Contest was in order. This was indeed brought to glorious fruition once by the much missed ‘Big Train’ sketch show, where it was presented in a wiggly drawn cartoon outline. I remember them cutting away to the audience of onlookers once with the glorious line ‘oh look, there’s Richard Gere.’
Jason though really went to town on his idea: ‘Cleaning gutters. Each contestant has to remove as much moss, leaves, bird doings, acorns, fruit, dead rats as possible. For added excitement some of the gutters are really old and rusty but must not be damaged. And someone on the roof keeps refilling them.’
Back to my jigsaw idea, Tara said that ‘Now you’ve put that out into the universe it’s only a matter of time. There is probably a YouTube channel already,’ leading Matthew to ‘Say what?’ in a link to the World Jigsaw Puzzle Championship from 2019.
I praised his endeavour, commenting that I was needing ‘a cosy BBC version now, presented by the peerless Mel and Sue – alternately comforting & slightly saucy – “oh, do you think his finger goes there…?” Maybe Mary Berry on hand to provide a sustaining cuppa and slice of Victoria sandwich….’
So pleased was I with this notion, that I went further still, exhorting the BBC, aka ‘Auntie’, to ‘LISTEN UP, I’ve even thought of the name for you: ‘Jigsaw Jerkins’, whereby the competitors wear sleeveless tops, to allow for the speed at which their arms must move. It also has a distinct gladiatorial, and very British feel. C’mon #jigsawjerkins! We need this!’
I can just see it, the beauty of the tagline or catchphrase ‘Jerkins With Perkins.’ Surely Sue would rush at this…!? I’ll wait
In the meantime though, the lovely Matthew created me an Alan Partridge style GIF. This is what Twitter was made for.